A Disappointing Start to a New Year
So far I am pretty disappointed with 2024….
It’s not the year I hoped for after our chaotic and incredibly crazy 2023. Don’t get me wrong, outside of the fire, we had some amazing moments in 2023, but it was a difficult year for so many reasons, and I have to admit that I was looking forward to the idea of a brand new year as we reached the end of 2023. 2024 had a lovely ring to it.
There is something nice in knowing that the incoming ‘new’ year had no marks on it yet, no spoilers, no mistakes, nothing to fear. This thought reminded me of Anne of Green Gables, one of the most optimistic characters of all time, when she says “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” (L.M Montgomery). That was supposed to be my 2024!
Despite all the rain and the incredibly hot days, our year started off well, our two older girls are working, organising adventures and thinking about what they would like to do with their lives long term, Nell started her Diploma, and JJ started back at school. Everything was rolling along well. I started to look for opportunities for part time work….
And then all of a sudden, my mum had a fall and broke her arm.
Now, please note, I am not complaining about Mums’ fall or her broken arm. It’s just everything that comes with an older person breaking their arm. A broken arm is certainly not a quick fix.
Bad things usually happen in threes, so I am counting Mums broken arm, the death and clean up of mums freezer, and our car. Last week our mechanic told us our family car is terminal. Actually he said, ‘She doesn’t have long!’ Dealing with Mum’s freezer last week was the easiest issue to contend too. The clean up of the freezer wasn’t fun, but going out to buy a new fridge/freezer was so incredibly simple in the big picture of what is on my plate. The delivery of the fridge happened the next day, and Mum was able to put her food back in the refrigerator.
One thing I have found difficult to contend with over the last few months is the fact that Mum is getting older. I am finding it difficult to watch Mum getting older and not be able to do the things she once did so effortlessly. While Mum considers herself still very independent, and she is. I want her to remain as independent as she possibly can be, for as long as she possibly can be in all areas of her life, but I also feel as though I have just had that moment in my life where all of a sudden, I have realised that Mum isn’t as strong as she thinks she is – I am actually the one she looks to for advice, and the one she depends on. Suddenly I feel as though our roles have changed. I have been thinking a lot about when I believed that our roles had changed? It was confirmed in my heart the day she broke her arm, the moment she sat in the massive hospital chair at SCUH. She has always been a small framed person, but seeing how little she was in the big hospital chair looking out to me in the hallway, while the doctors fixed her arm – this was the moment. This was the moment I realised things had changed.
As our two older girls are branching out wanting more independence, we are encouraging them to go and have fun. They are young and need to go have some fun experiences with friends. Independence to a young person is about milestones and finding their feet, building confidence. Independence for an older person feels like it has to be earned in some ways. For an older person, it feels as though they have to prove whether or not they should keep their independence. I get the pros and cons in many ways, it is just very confronting when you realise that at 75 you have to depend on your doctors thoughts on whether or not you should be allowed your licence. I hope that Mums period of no driving doesn’t inhibit her from getting her licence back in August.
Till next time,
XO
