Much of life is about the people we come into contact on a regular basis. Some are friends and some you consider aquaintances so I decided to work out a list of characteristics or traits to have in friendship – specifically friendship with other mums.
I have known a particular woman for many years. This person seems to follow me through life, and while she has made her mark on my life in a negative way I am not writing this to get revenge. Instead, I would like to write about my experience with this woman in the light of not wanting to be a friend like this.
Let me explain that this person is quite a negative person, and she has the tendency to speak to us other mums, as though she is an authority on all subject matter. This is not cool! I am pretty sure we have all come across these women/mums – they have a degree on every subject available to man kind, and their kids according to them, are genius’ and the most well behaved – not just well behaved – PERFECT! Often one cannot get a word in edgewise and when you do finally get a chance to put your two cents in, its disregarded as though your thoughts aren’t of any value. Luckily I don’t hang my self belief or self worth on what this woman thinks or believes, but I feel that she has helped me become more aware of how I treat others.
Obviously its not a crime to brag about your kids (everybody should brag), but to continually insinuate that your children are better than everyone else’s children when kids across the board are never ‘always’ good – is annoying, as its not possible for kids to be 100% perfect all of the time. This woman’s children are normal kids who have good days and bad days – just like everyone else’s kids. The sad part for this mother, is that many of us ‘normal’ mums have witnessed her frustrated outbursts toward her kids. Its usually when we brag about how great our kids are – one of them, at least, does something really naughty – and it seems that Murphy, and the universe is against us! As a mum with four kids, I am left wondering why some days – it seems that common sense has left the building! I am left wondering at what age does common sense kick in? It seems that common sense isn’t so common! Bring back the common in common sense!!!
It is important to live your life trying to be the best version of yourself. The best wife, the best mum, the best friend, the best employee you can be and to be kind to strangers. If your a man reading this, just be the best version of yourself – great person, great husband, great father, great work ethic…you know where I am going with this!
I was thinking about Oprah and her ‘Ah Ha’ moments and I think that the concept of situations or circumstances recurring because we need to learn something from them is an interesting idea. This is why I queery why this woman keeps coming back into my life? What am I supposed to learn from her?
Things I knew but were reminded of with ‘this friend’:
1) Its not a good idea to hold one sided unhealthy competition with your friends.
This ‘friend’ always seems to want to compete with me – specifically relating to the kids, and likes to tell me how her car or her home is bigger and better than ours. My number one priority is that my kids grow up to be well rounded young people and responsible adults. I realise that my kids have strengths and weaknesses and while we struggle through life with all the other normal families out there. I don’t expect my kids to be brilliant in all areas of school life. I want them to enjoy learning and enjoy the journey, and hopefully along the way, they will find what they are passionate about.
2) Your reputation is more important than you think it is.
3) Allow friends to speak into your life – listen to your friends point of view. You don’t have to be the ‘Know it all’ – be upfront when you don’t know anything or much about the subject matter. Lets just say that humility is a trait worth having. If you are the ‘know it all’ all the time you come across as a bit painful. Take a piece of humble pie – Its nice for the people around you!
4) Always Always Always be respectful no matter what.
5) At all times, treat others in the same manner that you would like to be treated.
6) If you don’t have anything nice to say – don’t say it!
7) Be as optimistic as you can in all situations. No one likes a party pooper.
8) If a ‘friend’ needs to speak to you about an issue with your child (God forbid) – listen to them and hear what they are saying. It may have been really difficult for your friend to bring the subject up with you and all she wants is to be heard? Acknowledge your friends issue with love and kindness and promise to speak with your child. Do not deny that there is an issue!
9) Don’t be two-faced and do not back stab. Its okay if you disagree with your friends point of view. Do what is ultimately right for you and your family. Don’t backstab – the person being backstabbed knows when they are poorly spoken about. They always find out and its both unnecessary and hurtful.
10) On another note, find time to replenish your own soul and dress for success, and make time to have a coffee with friends. Family life is busy and school life contributes greatly to the busyness. Mums are people too and we need our own needs met while serving our family. Do everything in your power to be gracious and happy. People like happy people. Ultimately, we mums need a passion or a hobby or a business (something outside of family life) that makes us excited about life.
11) Find time to enjoy your life. Life is short and its important to have fun not just with your family – grow your friendships!!! And if all else fails – Plan a movie night!
12) To have friends – show yourself to be friendly.